From being a stranger to me to being with a stranger..or not? -part 1

This is a documentation of life, conditioning of personality, sentiments, desires, agitations, responsiveness, zeal and love… NO! Not of a girl endowed with luminous eyes, an hourglass figure, intellect one craves for or wealth like that of a millionaire.

It’s about two random people, who met randomly and then something random happened described through extracts of *her* diary entries…

04 June, 2006 Sunday

A day when I stepped out of my cocoon of a safe, well protected suburban life and entered the domain or a metropolitan and a cosmopolitan city, a day which illustrated in front of me, the most elaborate picture of antonym to what I thought world was like. The picture is not bad, at least till now but it’s very different and kind of dizzying. I hope I act me amidst all this anxiety. Everything looks blurring when I look back at my day.

05 June, 2006 Monday

Gave my first interview today! One of the biggest literary colleges in India situated miles away from my hometown in the core of the city of dreams, passions and their fruits! What an exhilarating day! I was in awe of the college, the crowd, the lifestyle..more or less everything around me.

Interviewers asked me why I should be selected for a field like this. They asked me what my USP was. Hell I was good or that’s what I think now, I was just blabbering then :P !

I just told them, I was packed in a box for about 16 years of my life, I lived breathed and moved around in the same restricted area and then the box popped up to let me out. For me the place is new, the happenings here, good or bad are new, unlike many others who are localites here.  When I write, I shall portray the same excitement of a baby who is seeing the world for the first time. It won’t be clichéd!

They were impressed! I am in! Yayyy!!

30^th July, 2006 Sunday

New abide, new community, new conduct, new class, new customs..everything new.

**Enlightened, awe stuck, scared that I may look like an outcast, forlorn**

Hope to catch up soon!

25^th August, 2006 Friday

-Boozing, fagging, swearing - A daily thing (REALLY..SINCE WHEN?? :O )

-Guys, fun, sex, drugs- Absolutely normal..considered “KEWL” ( han? Do they know there exists something called romance and love?)

-Clubbing- Much more important than having a good night’s sleep!

*I must admit that I am lost. I don’t know what to grab what to leave. The picture isn’t pretty. I thought these things happened only in Hollywood movies. Hope to find my way soon*

31^st October, 2006 Tuesday

Went out for a “Halloween party” (sarcasm intended) to give my roomie company. Was forced to wear wacko clothes, put on wacko n scary make up and create a ghostly image (which of course my roomie did for me, hell I have no sense for all these things).

Lesson learnt today-

a) Celebrating festivals of the west gives you superb grading on the “cool meter”

b) Halloween is another form of clubbing where u drink till you get stoned and P.S- the pumpkin in not for collecting candies, it’s for the throwing up in!

**Will I ever mingle? **

1^st December ,2006 Tuesday

Things look better, they feel better! Thankfully, I am with likeminded people, more so because my mind is more on sync with the people here. I’ve changed. For good! The “in daze” phase is over. I like being here. The crux of me is the same suburban girl but I am “modernized” courtesy the people around me, not that I hate being so!

1^st January, 2007 Monday

Fun day! Shifted out of the hostel today! Broken ever shackle which grounded us!  No curfew timings…Here we come life! Hope we enjoy to the fullest!

Prodigious and wonderful life- check, Good grades- check, Great friends- Check

*Love life/B.F/Love Interests-  Nil *

25^th April, 2007 Wednesday

I am recruited! Yayy! It’s a little far considering the awful buses, which now shall be an integral part of my life and day. Who cares? I bagged a job. SUPER DAY!

17^nd May, 2007 Tuesday

Intriguing day! Music was not my co-traveler today, a real person was. Random guy, as I have been referring to him in my head since the time we departed (ya, we talked like strangers, no name exchanging, no number exchanging, just random blabbering). It’s weird when I think of it now, but we clicked! It was spontaneous, easy, without any kind of pretence. It was so me! Anyway I know I am creating quite a fuss over it. He was one of those millions and trillion whom we meet every now and then for few minutes and then they are gone, never to return.

*Good day! Wonder how it would’ve been if we dated :P.. ok brain! STOP!!**

28^th may, 2007 Monday

It’s been 11 days. We meet daily on the bus on our journey back to our respective places. It’s absolutely frolic. We talk, talk, talk and talk some more which indeed is a ball. The fun part is, we haven’t exchanged numbers as of now. We laugh, tease, may be flirt a little, explore each other’s life and it’s nice. Okay I am blushing! Stop day dreaming Anu. Vishank, unlike me is the dork. Witty, charming and fun..at least till now. Oddly the crux of our personalities differs but there are a lot of matches too. He still seems to be parity despite the differences.

It’s peculiar everyday in the bus. There’s an unsaid rule to not let anyone sit if one gets the seat till the other comes. One of us waits each day for sometime contemplating if the other will turn up today and I for sure let out a mental sigh when I see him each day :o).

19^th June, 2008 Thursday

Things have been great, not because they are perfect, it’s because by the end of each day (perfect or pathetic), I have a great friend to talk to. After a hard day, all we need is each other to pour out to. Of course we have other friends too to do that but we are kind of easily accessible to each other. It still has some formality(only a little if I may say) which I think shall be over soon.

2^nd September, 2008 Friday

Friends Fight and so did we! What if it happened? It’s normal. It just started for no reason and went on to become momentous for the same.  Don’t remember how but one of us sent the other a sorry text and we’ve entered the “being normal” state. All is well that ends well! :o)

To be continued... 

P.S- This story or characters do not bear any resemblance with anyone in the real world. They are fragments of my "imagination" !! 

Not written by me but looks like it written for me :)

So i figured now that i shared somebody's work on my blog, I might as well share a beautiful write-up which a friend of mine randomly found browsing through..Can't help but compare how our situations can be so similar to somebody else's..The writer of this piece is unknown to me but whoever wrote it put together thoughts so transparent and clear. 
The toughest phase of life is when you are vulnerable and the writer here has expressed the vulnerability in the most beautiful way possible..Kudos to her/him!


The Inevitable…..
She sat on a rusty old bench in the middle of the bustling market. Her head felt
heavy, her heart heavier. The feeling had been with her for a while, ever since
she found herself talking to him like a mature and responsible adult.


She told him she couldn’t go on any further. Her undying optimism had
reached an unfortunate end. This relationship, she felt intuitively, wasn’t going
to last.


He didn’t object. Instead, he solemnly agreed. Perhaps, surprised at his own
ability to have an emotionally mature conversation.


“I understand”, he assured her and that did it. She was crushed beneath the
weight of all those memories. The good ones and the bad ones. Under the
debris of her delightful dreams. Once and for all, she stood face to face with
her future. A future- having a close friend but always apart.


They really didn’t know what to say. Not that they hadn’t seen it coming.
They did sometimes reach a very low point, but their level of endurance was
significantly high that they always pulled through. They had screamed and
stomped off. Laughed hysterically and cried stupidly. But nothing mattered
now.


What did matter was that they were not going to end up together. Unlike what
their love horoscopes had predicted. Damn those daily horoscopes. Damn
those stars.


“I know you’re going to cry”, he said, trying to look her in the eye.


“No way! I am past all that. No more crying”, she retorted. A tear instantly
rolled down her cheek.


He smiled as if he understood. Just like he had said.


She thought of all the possibilities. Maybe, they could give each other more
time. Maybe, they could go on until it would fall apart one day. Inevitably. Or
maybe…


While all those “What ifs” and “Buts” hung above their heads in mid air, the
world around them moved. Tiny tots licked away at their melting ice creams
and vendors screamed out their wares. The women stole a glance at her, from
the corner of their eyes, as they dragged bags of vegetables. Some men stared
open mouth, at the young couple who sat frozen in time and silence.


“Maybe, we could…”, she started


“Yeah maybe, but it would still not turn out all too well,” he completed her
thoughts.


She wanted to strangle him and run away. She wanted to yell at those men
leering from the side. She wanted to cry so badly. However, she could do none
of it.


The heaviness in her head numbed her senses. She felt empty.


“You always knew, didn’t you? You know I never promised you anything. I
could try my best, but I don’t want to hurt you.”


“But I thought…dammit, how could I be so stupid? I thought we could end up
together… like… like forever!”


She stifled a sob. He shook his head in disappointment.


“It’s not that simple,” he said, his voice dull and low.


She straightened her shoulders and managed a laugh. She looked away. Only if
things were actually that simple.


Damn religion, she told herself. Damn all religions who forbade people in
finding happiness in each other.


The market was still bustling as ever. Nothing had changed in those fifteen
minutes except that she felt different now. Strangely different.


“Oh, do you want one of those?”


He went up to a scrawny and hungry boy. In his hand, the boy held a pole
around which fluttered a dozen paper wind fans. She didn’t know if they had
any particular name. Those paper fans, circular in shape strung together with
colour paper. The ones that made everything look so simple.


She smiled at him, knowingly. Many a time she had wanted to get one of those
and run along with the wind. But like so many things undone, she hadn’t.


As she blew through it, she felt that strange feeling again. Everything seemed
okay for a moment. The people, the chaos, the colour.


Her complicated adult life had suddenly given way to her old carefree
childhood. It didn’t last longer than that moment though.


He tried to make her laugh. He called her, his “Best-est Friend!” He kept
dumping on her the title ,” The World’s Best Friend”.


She wanted to puke. Puke out all those ridiculous syllables and hug him tight.


She wished everything would be alright, like it used to be.


The biggest mistake they had done was to fall in love in the headiness of their
youth. They had fallen in love so badly that they couldn’t come out of it. But a


lot of people commit the same mistake, she consoled herself. A lot of people
repeat them too.


Nothing made her feel better. Nothing. Instead, everything fell into place.


They had spoken about burying their happiness and randomness of their young
adult lives. Something which they had kept delaying for such a long time.


“I should have known better,” she muttered under her breath.


She smiled and offered her hand. He squeezed it hard, attempting his best to
hide the remains of his broken heart.


They left that market, like two empty souls. She thought she would die on the
spot while he gazed blankly ahead. As they walked, they made silly jokes and
grabbed at each other’s hands.


They knew what they were walking into.


Everything hurt so badly. Absolutely everything.


There were too many memories to even start the act the forgetting.


‘We will be fine,” they told each other, very well knowing the truth.


“All we need is time,” he remarked.


That’s what they all say, a voice inside her said. That’s what everyone is going
to say.


“I know I will take a very long time,” she told him, unable to stop her words.


She crossed the road and began walking home, with the fan moving fast in
her hand. She took a few steps and stopped abruptly to look back, hoping he
would follow her.


Not anymore.


She walked ahead, her head heavy, her heart heavier...


P.S- this is NOT written by me! 

HAPPY FRAANDSHIPS DAY! **Better late than never :D**

In the age of not bothering to wish at all/ sending texts to wish "happy frAAndships day", a friend of mine really went out of the way and created the cutest card ever, which also happens to be my wallpaper now...

Guess I totally forgot the value of a handmade card... Here's wishing you all happy friendships day through an amazing card done by an amazing friend "Keerti Chowdhry" ..Lou u tons keedi! :* 

Skipping her childhood...

The door was slightly ajar. Aasmita’s little hands were clutching her cherry baby doll very tightly. She knew what was happening inside, after all she had been witnessing this for as long as she could remember. She peeked in and a sudden blast of hot pungent air hit her freckled cheeks and entered her nostrils, only to make her cough loudly. 

“Oh I am so sorry honey, the food is extra spicy tonight, just the way your papa likes it, while I am preparing a special gourmet meal for papa, why don’t u gulp down the bournvita milk I’ve made u?” shouted Nandini, her mom over the marble slab she was working on. 

Aasmita looked at her mom, her eyes pale and sad, and without saying anything, she just sat near the kitchen slab. 

She wanted to cry like any other snooty princess her age and fuss about the situation, but then, she was extremely mature for her age, five years that is. 

“So aamu (her mom’s nickname for her), are you excited about papa coming back? What gifts do you think will he get you this time?” asked Nandini.
Playing with her doll, she nonchalantly replied, “I do not like gifts, I don’t want anything”. 
Nandini completely non-plussed looked at her little one, clad in a sunny yellow polka dots dress and again went back to her cooking, almost obsessing over the perfection of the taste, aesthetics and presentation of the food she was preparing. 

Aasmita got up, let out a sigh,staring blankly at her doll “nano”, she came out of the room perfumed by garlic and spices and sat on swing that was installed for her some two years back. The place happened to be her favorite playing spot.

Her “nana” (as she called her maternal grandma out of sheer affection) came out of the other room and sat with her. Nana was literally mumbling to herself but clear enough for Aasmita to hear it. 

“Things could be so different if Amit was still around, those days were a blessing to everyone in this house, and how I wish god took me instead of my son in law. Everyone calls Nandini mad and tells me to put her in a mental asylum. Oh lord please give me the strength to bear my daughter, please give me the patience to deal with her, please give me the courage to remind her every second that Amit died of cancer two years back and he is not coming back even when she insists on cooking daily meals for him thinking that he is coming home for dinner” and Aasmita turned back, and looked at the large frame behind the swing, with a picture of her papa decorated with a thick rose garland on it. 

“Nana, don’t worry. Don’t you only tell me that papa knew about his cancer ever since I was about to be born. He was strong just like superman” “I don’t think mama is mad, she just misses papa, don’t call her mad” said the little girl, kind of offended by her granny. 

“Yes aamu, he was indeed the strongest and he knew you would be too when you grow up and that’s why he named you Aasmita meaning tough as a rock and he would always tell me how he was sure that once u grew up, you would take excellent care of your mom” said nana to Aasmita. 

“Your dad is here, come in for dinner” came a shout from inside, while nana and aamu, sitting on the swing, looked at each other and smiled.

“Yes aamu, your mom is not mad, she just misses your papa” mumbled nana again almost giving away to the little kid... 

XOXO

Just yesterday, it was difficult to iron those frocks with extra frills

Just yesterday, her hair needed to be decorated with those cute little clips

Just yesterday, her little fingers could not get to tie the shoe laces

Just yesterday, she got scared of seeing random daunting faces

Just yesterday, her chubby cheeks blushed scarlet  

Just yesterday, to her people she was as divine as a goddess on her golden chariot

Just yesterday, she had those cute little bangs in her curly hair

Just yesterday, she celebrated every occasion with equal excitement and flair

She was indeed a fairy tale

She was an angel sent from the sky by god’s special mail 

Oh she was indeed vulnerable

Her innocence was like sacred bible

Looking back, where did the time go by

How did the transition happen when yesterday only she was so naïve and shy

When did the bows transit into slim fit jeans

When did cute little fairy sandals turn to stiletto heels

When did fondness for santa turn to a rock star

When did she start visiting a bar

The cherry cheeks lady turned to a princess

Its time for her to pass on her tenderness

It’s time for the little girl to move further

It’s time for her to make her future

May she breathe love, drink affection and eat care

May she get all good that’s written in her share  

P.S- A dedication to one of my besties, my lovely, who might get hitched sooner than we all are contemplation. Love u "O_ _ _" :P :D

My love for metaphors!

Metaphors are absolutely handsome. If given a chance and slightly heavier brains, I’d rather express in metaphors than talk like an android.

 Metaphors express so explicitly and beautifully, what we feel. They are like a verbal statue carved with utmost perfection and studded with the choosiest and the rarest of jewels, painted with deepest of colors ever present on mother earth to give a result of absolute marvel. 

You are in pain, you are in love, you are very happy, you are cheated upon, anything, JUST ANYTHING can be expressed in absolute perfection. 

Since this post is about metaphors, I want to share some of my favorites; some funny, some insanely deep, created by me, and picked up from various gazhals which I keep on hearing like an addict. They are obviously my interpretations and they might be not so precise...

First is from 1 of my favourite Jagjit Singh gazhals “Mujse bichad k” which goes like: 

 “Mujko sham bata deti hai, tum kaise kapde pehne ho” 

How stunningly and nonchalantly has the writer claimed of how well he knows his muse. He uses “kapde” (clothes) as a metaphor for her mood saying that the weather tells him about her mood, possibly also meaning that the weather changes with her moods telling her that she has such a strong aura around her. 

Second one is from a Ghulam Ali gazhal “Itni muddat baad” which says:

“Tez hawa ne mujhse poocha ret pe kya likhte rehte ho…”

The way he has very beautifully compared “tez hawa” (strong wind) with those strangers who have very bleak interaction with him and “mujse poocha ret pe kya likhte rehte ho” suggesting that these strangers pass by taunting at me telling me where do I really waste so much of my time. What is most beautiful here is how instead of just “hawa” “tez hawa” is used here to make it more impactful. 

Third is again from a jagjit singh gazhal “aadmi aadmi ko kya dega” which quotes:

“Mera kaatil hi mera munsif hai, kya mere haq main faisla dega”

This is the most beautiful one if u compares it with real life situations. It says “the person who judges me is the one who is/can be my murderer. Will his decision be in my favor?” 

I can go on and on about my favorite metaphors from my amazing collection of gazhals and sufi kalaams (Seriously! Vanity no apologies! :D) but this should be ended here..readers (if any :P) can post some they love! :)  

A DIVINE INTERVENTION!

Last night there was a loud knock on my dream doors

While I was in a flurry of heavy snores 

Standing in the front was something bizarre

Beaming such strong light, it looked like a huge star

There came in the lord and gave me a dirty stare

Bombarded with confusion I was in full glare

 Red in anger, he looked like loaded with a complaint

In fear of the extraordinary, I looked like I was about to faint 

With piercing light as his wings he sat on the couch and I ran to press his feet

His anger surfaced and he became serene hence calling defeat 

He took my hands in his with the greatest love and affection

Assured me that all my problems had solutions 

Heart he said I had of gold

But anger always gave it a mold

He looked at me and asked me “what all is this?”

“How can u spoil everything u wish?”

He made me sit with him like his best buddy

Threw light on the patch of life which was really gooey and muddy 

He told me that I had the greatest power i.e. the strength to care

To have command you do not always have to be the mayor

He nudged me to go to you and ask you why is it so wrong if all we did was right?

Why were we never a team but always indulged in a fight?

Let’s be like we were again considering the lord’s order

For ours is right at the death border

We both were hurt and we both cared

We always came back to each other after each fight we shared

The void u made is still guarded

You just have to step in and the first rank will be again awarded 

Never did I make a friend like you

Never ever will I further want to 

I know I lost that position from your life

But I could always give it a strong fight

I can’t live with guilt of not trying

And I have to stop my excessive emotions from this torturous frying 

It still hurts to be away

Just a second’s contact from you makes me sway 

I can’t live anymore in puzzles

For if a team we completely dazzle

If this is climbing everest

Let’s try and give our best 

I can ignore u like I did all this while

But then how will it spice up my bland life? 

I am happy but still sad

For after addiction to good there was disastrous bad 

If this feels silly let it go

If it makes sense open up in front of me like you were before...

My first poem- 23 feb,2009

My first poem, put together for someone very close then , now edited and filled with some new lines.

While the person remains to be the same for me , I’ve lost that rank from their life. Must be mushy, lame, dumb for many but it has been my life from how i remember it to be...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmlBpGF2VKs

I hate the way you get angry, I hate the way you fight
I hate you when you don't have time to talk to me at night
I hate it when you're not there
When you don't even have a minute to spare
I hate it when green turns gray
Makes me feel you're really away
I hate it when I make you upset
The time when I really regret

But..

I love the way you make up for fights
When you actually try to stay up late nights
Love it when you ask for advice
Although it has just happened once or twice
Love the way you care and melt my heart by your actions
A time when you don't get hurt by any of my reactions
Love the way you listen to my non sense and not say a word against it
Love it when you criticize when you actually praise
Love it sometimes when you order
I love loads and I hate loads
It's just that I can't put it to words

I am clingy, I am annoying, I am moody and certainly a bland brain

I am a fool, I am a stupid, I am the worst one

But I am still the same, still stuck in this odiously intense love hate game

I do not know how to kill that in me while u have totally broken free

I care, I cry and I die for the void that seems permanent

I smile, I laugh and I beam when I think about the past times

When people move on and get new people around

I try and stay away from whoever tries to enter my emotional ground

I fear new and cherish the old

Present is horrible while the past was gold

I still believe it was not meant to be evanescent and I still have faith

Something which is broken each day by the wait

I wonder

How difficult is it to move on….

TIC TAC TOE!

Two made the clap happen
One got to be it's heir
The deed was done in a pair
Still one got it's complete share

The fruit became a rotten waste
Over the years it lost it's pleasant taste
It was like a storm approached a cozy place
Destroyed everything there was in haste

Though permanent ruts were made,
memories were the only active part ending up as useless as bones in a grave
The prophecy went insanely wrong
and neither was the intuition too strong

The sufferer still sees good,
while she broods,
for when she conflates it all,
she feels the years were'nt bad after all :)

My Wish/dream, ahh whatever u call it list :P

We all have wishes, wishes which are dreamy, spooky, wacko, fuzzy, abstract and sometimes totally whimsical. In the quest to create a list of all my dreams 

· Go bungee jumping! 

·  Celebrate at least one b’day night out on the roads (@ 12 pm)  in a car with friends and loud music. 

·  Get totally drunk and bother EVERYONE around me :P 

·   Finish reading Bhagwad Gita! 

·   Start my own brand of clothing. 

·   Get a BB with my own money :D 

·   Go on a long trip all over India with friends. 

·    Learn Bengali. 

·    Slap that bitch (A.S.M) from school!! 

·    Get a masters degree! 

·    Go out on a karaoke night and sing there like a fool. 

·    Convert a wall to a canvas, with my illustrations all over. 

·    Join an oil painting class. 

·   Cook! :P 

·   Go totally bald! 

·   Visit Jaman Shah, Pakistan, my ancestral town and see for myself how it is like. 

·   Talk like I am a verbal thesaurus. :D 

·   Get rid of the past!!! 

·   Watch Cricket in a stadium (NOT IPL) 

·    Make a collection of most authentic and definitely antique textiles. 

·     Try bhang, at least on holi. :p 

·    Attend at least one meeting, which is super business like where I have to dress up all formal and corporate. 

·     Visit a jagjit singh concert (which I have done before but so wanna go for it again! ) 

Hmm so that’s pretty much what I could think of in 15 minutes. It’s a part of what all I think of which I wanna do . :D